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Happy to be out, feel bad for being there at all

2021.11.27 17:21 Mobile_Emphasis_917 Happy to be out, feel bad for being there at all

In June 2017 I went through a divorce which was less than fantastic and resulted in a stay in a psychiatric facility and getting diagnosed with Bipolar II. There wasn't any abuse in that relationship, we weren't compatible and grew to resent one another. In the long run, good. For the following year, I did very little outside of work unholy long hours teaching. I had to relocate to a relative's house following the divorce and I was commuting 2+ hours in the AM, teaching 9-7:30, driving home. Repeat. It was a good distraction for the most part. I was very lonely in the personal sense and that probably made me more susceptible to what was coming.
June of 2018, a coworker (F, 33 whom I will call "D") expressed interest in me (M, 35--named "W"). The commute was wearing me out and I mentioned to another coworker that I fell asleep in my car for a while before driving home. She said, "you can stay at my house if you need to!" I didn't think much of it at the time--just being a friendly coworker, etc. The coworker I was speak to initially was taken aback by the comment.
I smoked (cigarettes) at the time and she began smoking to try to engage with me. The thing is, I did not really find her all that pleasant: she was boisterous, somewhat abrasive, and generally loud. Other coworkers thought similar. So, I just went out for a cigarette at lunch time and she'd be there and talk my ear off: asking about my divorce, how she was thinking of divorcing her husband, how she was polyamorous, etc. Oh, and that she was a sex addict who was going to meetings, etc. (going to meetings bit turned out to be false).
She asked me out over facebook messenger or some such and I reflexively started typing out a, "no thank you but i'm flattered" type email. However, I figured maybe it would be a good way to "get back out there" and go on a date or two and that would be it. Toes in the water, so to speak. So, I said yes, and we went out for drinks. We met up for lunch over the weekend about a week later. The dates were fine, just chatting and such. She bought me a very nice gift: a nice vintage fountain pen (been collecting them since I was 15 or so) and ink in my favorite color. I accepted it though it made me feel a bit weird. She kept asking me out and I kept going.
She invited me over to her house, which was weird for me for a few reasons: 1) she was married 2) her husband lived there with his partner 3) they had a daughter (I do love kids though) and 4) her husband's partner was a tremendous asshole. I went over and I made dinner for everyone, and it was generally pleasant. I met her daughter and I had brought some art stuff with me and I painted with her and fixed a ceramic unicorn she loved and had dropped. D and I were in her room talking about this and that (her and husband had separate rooms which seemed to confirm that they were "on the outs" as she told me) --and she asked if I wanted to spend the night. It was fairly late and I had had some wine with dinner so I said yes and was going to sleep on the couch, and she petitioned me to sleep in the bed. So, I did. For the next two hours she continually prodded me to have sex with her and I said, "no, i'm not ready for that step". I wasn't--my general comfort with the situation was low as well as my comfort with sex in general at that point in my life. After driving home the next day, I sent her a text saying I wasn't comfortable with that sort of intimacy yet and if that changes I'll be up front about it. She said she wouldn't ask again until I brought it up. That seemed to be that. However, over the following weeks, she asked about it nearly every time I saw her. At work, outside of work, at her home and mine. I kept saying no and at one point left and went home. After about six weeks of this, I finally relented, and we slept together. I did not feel good about it or myself.
She knew I was looking to move closer to work, and she brought up she was looking to move out of her current situation. I did not offer, but she brought it up: could we move in together? So, I said OK, eventually with the explicit statement that we would be moving as roommates and not, "moving in together". She agreed to that. We worked together and I knew how much money she made, and I figured it was fine from that end. Come to find out, she had no money whatsoever to contribute to moving. Not the deposit, first month’s rent. So, i reasoned myself into thinking that I'd be paying the same if I was moving alone and went ahead and paid for the move in costs. I moved my own things and she asked for help moving hers, as well. Others would help us (some coworkers did) and we were then moved in. She then took off to visit family and I set about making sense of all her boxes of various unsorted papers and knick-knacks.
I spent the 5 days she was gone sorting and organizing things after getting home from work and moving stuff into our apartment storage for her (and me, since it had to be done). She returned and said, "It looks the same." Sure, I hadn't been able to move and sort everything, but I had made serious headway. A month later, Oct. of 2018, I returned home during the evening after driving to visit my niece and nephew to find a coworker there, both playing video games. That's fine, I thought, since I didn't have any reason to think there was anything else going on. Certainly not on the part of the coworker, anyways. Later that night she called me by his name in bed (that wasn't the first time she called me someone else in bed). So, that caused us to have a spat. I felt like I had gotten into something I was now stuck in.
We lived together for two years in total. During that time, I did all the cooking (I do love to cook), cleaning, paid for all the utilities, did our laundry, etc. Basically, all the domestic work including changing litter boxes for her three cats. It wasn't long until I felt overwhelmed and eventually had a panic attack and begged her to please help with things around the house--we'd make a chore plan, she'd be enthusiastic about it, and then a week later I was back to where I was. That happened 3 or 4 times that I can remember. After a while I gave up on D helping and worked on refining my daily workflow in the house and got things nailed down for the most part. I still didn’t have time left in the day to do much else outside of my regular job and keeping things together inside the house.
D got a little more sly. Saturday mornings I’d wake up at my normal 5 or 6am time and hit the laundromat and knock out our weekly laundry in one go, she’d be in bed at 10 or 11 am when I got home from laundry, grocery shopping, etc. She told me she had a migraine (D has had them in the past), which is a perfectly good reason to be layed out all day. Every Saturday for 3 or so months going forward, she’d wake up Saturday with a migraine. Nobody wants to do domestic stuff, I get it. It’s not like I badgered her constantly, I just wanted a more equitable division of domestic tasks. In therapy, she eventually mentioned she "faking the headaches."
Of course, then the pandemic hit and like everyone else on planet earth, life got more complicated. I’m in California, and the state shut down quickly and we were both working from home. Like so many others, we got in more arguments and there was a lot of general tension. I lost that critical separation between work and home life which made it very difficult to focus on getting anything done. April of 2020, I found out my best friend had died of a heroin overdose. We’d lost touch over the prior few years, and I got a call from his parents letting me know what had happened. I was understandably shaken by that. I laid down in bed and fell asleep. I woke around midnight and the house was empty, so I sent D a text asking where they were. They were at the neighbor’s place, and I fell back asleep. The next morning, D wasn’t there. So, I got up and did my normal morning routine. D walked in sometime later and said she fell asleep at the neighbors, etc. The neighbor was another woman who had kid as well. I had a feeling something was up, and I was right: they had slept together. I wasn’t necessarily all that surprised that happened, but the confluence of circumstance regarding my friend and this event was a bit overwhelming.
I’m going to stop this here since everything going forward are just variations on the above. So, I’m a bit stuck on how to feel about all of this. On the one hand, I feel fortunate that we split. On the other hand, I feel like I’m an idiot for ignoring all the red flags and sticking through it despite being taken advantage of in multiple ways. We saw therapists to try and resolve the problems, and I’ve continued to see a therapist for general mental wellbeing. Though, I’d be lying if I said that being pressured into having sex D at the onset hasn’t left some scars. Happy as I am, I can’t seem to get over the fact that I could be better had I not ignored my “gut” instinct at the onset and said, “no thank you”. Thank you for reading!
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2021.11.27 17:21 Oskan_Mystery this video has "LIKE" instead of like count and the dislike count is always at 0 and if you press the dislike button feedback get's sent to the creator? I demand and explaination. upvote so timeworks can see, please.

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2021.11.27 17:21 clinicskeleton What more can I say?

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2021.11.27 17:21 Emergency-Spare-4431 [REQUEST] Italy 1994

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2021.11.27 17:21 FunnyCrafty8260 Ghosts?

What happened to ghosts i loved em,i am a kinda new player and they were fantastic at attacks i used them for all my attacks.where did they go? Level 8 now haven’t seem em since a while
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2021.11.27 17:21 c115_kb_uk [XB1] H: fixer W: caps

[XB1] H: fixer W: caps submitted by c115_kb_uk to Market76 [link] [comments]


2021.11.27 17:21 SumnSumnSumnHTK For all my musician friends out there Yum Audio is giving away Lofi Pitch Dropout for FREE until November 30th. This plugin is one of my favorites. It adds imperfections to your beat with random warble and stutter dropouts. Go grab it.

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2021.11.27 17:21 Mynewsify-Website 3 dead and 4 injured in shooting inside a Nashville apartment, CNN.com – RSS Channel – US

3 dead and 4 injured in shooting inside a Nashville apartment, CNN.com – RSS Channel – US submitted by Mynewsify-Website to MynewsifyNews [link] [comments]


2021.11.27 17:21 Spirited-Relative714 im always stressed

I overthink to much!!! i can’t sleep
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2021.11.27 17:21 SSinglers Грязнуля

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2021.11.27 17:21 Delam2 What’s a good name for a brand new beer?

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2021.11.27 17:21 FEINcoMind_os How-to-Basic: Elephant-Brain (MIND_PALACE)

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2021.11.27 17:21 TampaKinkster Looking to cook with yellow mustard

I see that my yellow mustard is about to expire. I was thinking of making something where I could use the whole bottle pretty soon (like if I cook a bunch of chicken or pork with it). I am trying to eat at least somewhat healthy (nothing with too much sugar or deep fried). I can’t seem to find anything that calls for a LOT of mustard and most things seem to call for mustard powder. Any recipes that you can recommend? I actually have the same issue with a bottle of Sriracha. Any ideas?
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2021.11.27 17:21 Rudocini Crypto Anarchy 4 | fourth NFT in the collection

Crypto Anarchy 4 | fourth NFT in the collection submitted by Rudocini to opensea [link] [comments]


2021.11.27 17:21 karoshimitsu Which one should i get for gaming, Windows 10 or Windows 11?

My pc just arrived and i don't know which operating system i should get, Windows 10 or Windows 11?
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2021.11.27 17:21 RecommendationSevere The Canterville Ghost S01

Does anyone have these episodes to share?
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2021.11.27 17:21 DrockSteadyReviews 🚨Spider-Man by Todd McFarlane Omnibus Overview🚨

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2021.11.27 17:21 xoaquaa How do you maintain your weight while on your feet all day?

My husband asked for my help because he struggles immensely with keeping weight on especially during busy times at work. He’s training to be a sous chef at a very busy place and works long hours.
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2021.11.27 17:21 zestoros The breaks on the warthog are too strong!! (And it sounds like a dirt bike!)

Yeah, I’d say I’m a bit of a Warthog enjoyer. The boys and I are no strangers to laying down a lead securing hog-spree, or a sub 1 minute CTF triple cap to absolutely decimate the other team. Well at least in MCC, that is. Because the warthog for reach, 3, and 4 (CEs a lil slippery if I’m remembering it correctly and idk about 5) absolutely WHIPS when it comes to breaking and handling. Using the break in those games did not mean coming to a instantaneous stop, and more realistically allowed for a little slidin’ and glidin’, if you will.
Albeit, the nature of the hog is such that she’s a little floaty, but when you know what you’re doing and you touch that break while taking a corner or whippin around, driving your gunner to 20+ kills, you really show the randoms in your game that, yeah, I went to warthog driving school (haha please add this in game)
Enter infinites hog- mildly disappointing! Love the look of it don’t get me wrong, really think it sounds SUPER WEAK (we’ll get to that), and love how the widow maker went back to being continues fire! What a retcon! But man the stopping on a dime when I’m trying to drift the corner around that pit in fragmentation like I’m in a rally stage whilst getting shot at really kills it for me! (And gets me killed too!)
Also the hog sounds real weak. Yes I saw the video of them recording hog sounds from a real muscle car, but it doesn’t… sound tough enough. It sounds like a go cart. A vehicle that, for a regular marine, is already pretty big since it has to accommodate a full crew of several ton Spartans, should probably sounds a little meatier? Haha
Yeah super minor complaint but at least it’s not the same things I keep seeing reposted here. Yeah I’m upset about those things too tho don’t get me wrong.
WARTHOG GAMING TIP: if you suck at driving the hog please read carefully: DO NOT stop the warthog near enemies under almost any circumstances. Please.
P.S. Also love the razorback, good job guys.
P.S.S rocket hog still sucks, always will
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2021.11.27 17:21 International_Mode79 I got a good one friends of reddit, picked this up for free, at an estate sale, no price was given on it and it was shoved in a corner, no names or branding of any sort, any ideas? I see floppy drives, i’m assuming a floppy writer

I got a good one friends of reddit, picked this up for free, at an estate sale, no price was given on it and it was shoved in a corner, no names or branding of any sort, any ideas? I see floppy drives, i’m assuming a floppy writer submitted by International_Mode79 to vintagecomputing [link] [comments]


2021.11.27 17:21 LisaMck041 Analysis | When you ‘Ask app not to track,’ some iPhone apps keep snooping anyway

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2021.11.27 17:21 FlashesOfDarkonda FTRhausen

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2021.11.27 17:21 Feeling_Cap_8201 [Letter]

Dear Dr. Peterson
If you read this, it means that I was meant to send it to you, because that's how it feels like.
I'm a long time fan. I've recently heard you talk about the pain you are experiencing, and it brought my own experience of the last 3 weeks to mind.
I've started with the therapy referenced in this 7- minute Youtube video from Dr. Jo himself, and I've already experienced results. I really think it could be of great value for you on your journey.
https://youtu.be/NklDkouWF0g
I bought his book referenced at the end of the video, and it really seems that they've figured something out that I haven't encountered anywhere else. It seems to be an aide to real individuation.
I hope that this will help you in a way that pays back all you've done for so many of us.
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2021.11.27 17:21 OtherCommunication80 Lost over 120k

We should sue for sure
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2021.11.27 17:21 lachosenone How would you handle this?

My mom is a well established narcissist. Over the years she’s established influence and a respectful position in the community she lives in. For most of my life she’s had barely functioning businesses and has yet to make a profit in any of them. Growing up, it’s always been expected of me to contribute to her many business endeavors leaving me with nothing to show for it. Yet, somehow, she’s still a well respected business woman in the community. Recently, I’ve decided to start my own business. I never asked her for help in starting it but she’s always shown this type of entitlement to my work, products, and materials. Regretfully, I’ve done jobs for her for free where she’d promise to send me clients since she couldn’t afford to pay. Til this day, I haven’t received one client from her. Yesterday, I found out that she’s bought herself the same machinery that I bought for my business because she states she has always planned to branch out and do similar work. She’s asking me for advice and asking where I get my materials. I’m so upset and feel so hurt, I don’t even know how to respond. How would you deal with this situation?
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