2022.01.23 09:34 Ftm__Incubus We all knew
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2022.01.23 09:34 InAKiwi gimmie free karma pwease :3
2022.01.23 09:34 thaibasil67 What pasta shape is the best?
2022.01.23 09:34 Gimerana Anti-theist married to a muslim in a cult-like community
TRIGGER WARNING : domestic abuse
Hi fellow free minds, I’m posting this text here because I don’t know where else to turn in order to get my chaotic life off my chest.
I’m from a small ethno-islamic community and currently living in a western country with my family. The community I’m part of is extremely intrusive, controlling, tribal and backward. Being part of this ethnicity means being muslim, we don't have any religious minorities. We are highly watched, judged for any missteps, honor killing is practiced and considered acceptable even for “moderates”, the family’s reputation mainly depends on women’s obedience and vagina, men are allowed to do everything without severe consequences. We have a special clothing code which got even worse since the Islamification of the country, having foreigner friends is highly discouraged, dating outside the nationality can be life threatening for females and allowed for males because males have needs (but they aren’t allowed to marry foreigners as they might get disowned depending on how nationalistic the family is). We are taught that we only need the medicine and education from the west and nothing else. I realized not long ago that I was part of a cult.
I got married young with a man I loved after I finished my studies, started a job, we got ourselves a house and our own life. This marriage was the closest thing to independence I would ever have according to my culture. I thought that with him I would have the freedom to finally be treated as functioning human being, to do what I want without having to ask permission, taking important decisions, having full control over my body and life but it turned out that my freedom got narrowed down instead.
When we were dating, he seemed open minded compared to others, we would live our relationship in a western way which was a significant upgrade compared to other men I’ve dated, he wasn’t rushing for marriage, we took the time to know each other, had no taboo. We got married after years of dating which is pretty uncommon in my community: usually we have the right to see our pretendant 3 times before marriage and we are not allowed to meet alone. He was smart, educated, working, funny and a minimum religious (which at the time seemed like an important criterion : I would rather date a normal muslim than a hypocritical one who drinks and screw around while expecting their woman to be faultless).
When we got married, everything was going well, my in-laws weren’t intrusive which is also uncommon, everybody was nice to me, my husband was very caring, loving, we spent a lot of time only together, living our love fully. It all felt like a dream. Things started to get complicated when I was tired of seeing the same people everyday and wanted my social life back. In our cult, a newly childless wedded woman is extremely guarded because it is not well seen for the husband and in-laws to have her loosely wandering around. (The psychology behind this is because new wedded young girls are considered “weak” and “prone” to fall in love with another man). Women usually starts to see friends and circulate freely when they have more than 3 children (specifically), become less attractive and unable to possibly remarry.
I am someone who used to have a dynamic social life. I have many dear friends, use to throw birthday parties, go out a lot, do various activities and try new experiences, I also like traveling, seeing the world, knowing other cultures, meeting new people. Needless to say my husband is the perfect opposite of me in that department, he doesn’t need any social life and is content within 4 walls. He made it clear he doesn't need much in this life to be happy : family, job, that's it. He doesn’t understand my need to see my friends or do activities, he considers it childish and often tells me to grow up. He wants us to have a respectable life within the community, cares about his image a lot, wants children, in clear: the most normal boring unnoticeable life possible. I don’t want children right now probably because my mind and soul are screaming to run away, I am extremely pressured by both my family and my in-laws to have kids but I don’t give in because I don’t want my kids to grow into this shithole of a community and under the tyranny of this religion.
I was expected to give up on my previous life and fully integrate to the in-laws and the cult's ways. I was expected to give up on foreigner friends, any sorts of leisure which was considered inappropriate for women (in other words: ANYTHING except family gatherings). I am expected to fulfil all my duties towards my in-laws and husband and basically live to make them happy. I started to think I was the problem and wondered why I couldn’t comply to what was sold as the healthiest way of living.
During the pandemic, I sat down and studied my faith in the hopes of understanding my husband better : it resulted in me leaving islam and even became anti-theist. Things got darker later in my marriage since that event. My constant rebellious behavior mixed with me openly criticizing the community and religion got him to use physical violence against me. First time, I thought it was a misstep from him because of the accumulation of other things in his family life, second time I forgave again because he was crying and begging me to forgive him and I actually felt bad for him, third time I left him and promised myself to never return. After months of him trying to get me back, family pressure (bc apparently I had a very lucky marriage compared to other girls from the cult), countless promises (such as having the right to have a social life, dressing like a want, circulating like I want etc), medical treatment for his anger issues and proves of change, I cracked and accepted to give him a second chance.
He’s being the perfect husband right now but it started to block again for the same reasons : I want to see some friends and he accuses me of going out too much even though it happens once every 2 months or so, rest of the time I’m all alone at home, see no one because I don't have friends where I live. He says I’m not being reasonable that “we” as a community don’t accept that then he talked with his mother who called me and tried to tell me to listen to him more, that the freedom I seek I will never have, that it’s not acceptable for our people, etc and I lashed out on her saying that in this case, I shouldn’t have come back, that It was all false promises, that he shouldn’t have married me if he didn’t want a girl like me, etc
I want to divorce again but the problem is that I don’t want to go back to my family and be like a child and I’m not allowed to live alone without children but my husband also treats me like if I was child , I’m a spoiled brat in everybody’s mind and I should be happy to have such a wonderful marriage. I don’t know why I returned to him tbh, I feel so stupid and helpless, my only option is to leave everyone but it would mean hurting my family badly and I care for them as my parents were good to me. How to find the courage to leave them all ? How do you do it ? How to shut down my love for such a toxic man? Why do I still love him after all the wrong he did to me? I thought I was a strong woman but with time I realize how weak I am to accept this crap, how stupid I am to have thought he would care more about me than the cult, how manipulated I was by his care and love for me and still is. He washes off my current state of mind with hugs, kisses, trying to make me laugh, trying to make me feel of guilty to not caring as much as he does and it works.
I'm also scared of never finding love again as in my community everyone is muslim and finding atheists/agnostics is not likely... If at least I could live alone I wouldn't mind staying single forever as I don't kids anyway... What a mess, I'm so lost...
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2022.01.23 09:34 Ok_Pie_1054 Anything you can think of can kill you in the right situation
2022.01.23 09:34 chase475 Thoughts on Breaking Up Long Run into Two?
I've been working out my training plan for a 100 I have in June. It's a 24wk plan peaking at 70miles/week. Each week there is a long run one day (16-24miles) followed by another the day after (10-20miles).
I plan to do these long runs in the week, and my question is whether it would be detrimental to use my commute to/from work to do these runs? An example would be:
Day 1 Morning - 6 mile run to work Day 1 Evening - 14 mile run home Day 2 Morning - 6 mile run to work Day 2 Evening - 9 mile run home
This would save me a lot of time but it means the longest continual run I'd do in training (barring the 50 and 100k tune up races) would be 18 miles.
Thanks for your time and advice!
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2022.01.23 09:34 strawberrysorbett henley’s lovely sunset yesterday after a bit of rain☀️
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2022.01.23 09:34 chamoisdort I just wanted to play Modern Warfare (console) Downloading for hours now and only « warzone Pacific » is installed so far.
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2022.01.23 09:34 Ralfop 925 Sterling Silver Infinity Ring Each handmade piece is crafted with the perfect conflict-free alternative to a mined diamond. You can feel good knowing that human life was not sacrificed to make your jewelry. Our stones are cut and faceted to the highest quality standards to achieve maximum
2022.01.23 09:34 angryshrimp99 What the heck am I? SD? DC? R? Help!
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2022.01.23 09:34 MFS2020HYPE If you drink red, you can kindly exit
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2022.01.23 09:34 BiggityBubbity Is codm running out of ideas?
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2022.01.23 09:34 Remarkable_Drawing93 [PS4][Help] Oceiros @ dancer of boreal valle -> up ladder and to the left Password "fox"
2022.01.23 09:34 lazysnake994 This meme I posted a year ago smh?
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2022.01.23 09:34 jis7014 Redshirts make me smile
2022.01.23 09:34 ZoolShop Yes, you can catch the flu and Covid. No, 'fluorna' isn't real. - NBC News
2022.01.23 09:34 leo_atlantico What da dog doin?
2022.01.23 09:34 Frogucci Really happy with the energy coming from my altar to Artemis ❤
2022.01.23 09:34 GeorgeKittIe You gotta hand it to Bill. He’s been on fire lately with this stuff.
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2022.01.23 09:34 JNSkyraider 32/M Good morning! Canadian dad seeking out new friends.
Good morning everyone, I'm 32, from Canada, reaching out again to reddit looking for new friends, as I've had some success in the past. Hopefully long term.
I'm into cooking, gardening, the outdoors, videogames (PC, Xbox and Switch, I don't play online though), TV and movies, music, books, history, aviation and Formula 1 racing.
I hope to talk to people from all over the world of any gender. Send me a message or chat request and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. I use other apps to chat as well.
Have a great day.
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2022.01.23 09:34 iamnekkid I am an idiot
So I went ahead and bought a brushed controller and mounted it on my scooter everything works fine except now I read that it is not possible to connect a brushed controller to a brushless motor.
Since everything works should I go ahead and use this controller or is it mandatory that I change it?
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2022.01.23 09:34 alilartistic Two creatures from my personal worldbuilding project
2022.01.23 09:34 SunnyCat_ Google shopping’s shitty algorithm 2: Electric Boogaloo
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2022.01.23 09:34 itsethanoluk Russia rejects UK claim of trying to replace Ukraine leader
2022.01.23 09:34 asfan_muhd should i create my own religion and preach it to pagans indigenous people?
I always wanted to feel like The founders of religion like Muhammad,Jesus,Moses,Guru Nanak and others.I would like experience like them. Here is my idea: I came to them and claim that I am the messenger of God and spread the Noah 7 commandment.lol not just that,Teaching them basic maths(algebra,fraction.etc..),science would be necessery.what do you guys think?do you have any thing to add?
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